The Imporance of friends,
“Nothing, however, gives the mind so much pleasure as fond and faithful friendship. What a blessing it is to have those to whose waiting hearts every secret may be committed with safety, whose knowledge of you you fear less than your knowledge of yourself, whose conversation soothes your anxiety, whose opinion assists your decision, whose cheerfulness scatters your sorrow, the very sight of whom gives you joy!” Seneca – On the Tranquility of the Mind
I have been blessed that over the last 43 years of my life I have been gifted by fortune to have many friends who fit the description put forth by Seneca. Like the emperor Marcus Aurelius, I could fill a full chapter with gratitude to the virtues that have been bestowed by these mentors. While I cannot say for certain that any of the influences that shaped me were Stoics, they still left an indelible mark on my character.
None of those who I reflect on were perfect. None were Sages or even carried themselves as people who had any grand philosophy behind them. They were virtuous in what they displayed through action. The soul, which recognizes what is good and is drawn to it by nature, seized upon it and emulated it. So in a way I carry with me every one of them long after we have parted ways.
A Stoic doesn’t just improve their character by reading Epictetus, Seneca or Marcus, they do it also by finding those in their life who they can hold up as examples of the virtues they want in themselves. Marcus called them “rulers” who we can hold ourselves against to keep us straight. They are the carefully curated friends who improve us.